Christ, der Herr, ist erstanden Von seine Marter alle, Des soll’n wir alle froh sein, Christ will unser Trost sein. Kyrie eleison. 基督我主已复活 得胜归来于磨难中； 世人当欢喜齐颂赞， 祂愿抚平我伤痕。 求主垂怜。
Wär er nicht erstanden, So wär die Welt vergangen. Seit dass er erstanden ist, So lobn wir den Herrn Jesu Christ. Kyrie eleison. 假使祂未尝复活， 世间本当如尘四散； 正因祂复活奇迹， 齐颂耶稣基督救主名。 求主垂怜。
Last night in dream I had a vision of the distant legendary earth mind, Orochi. I must confess to y’all, my dearest sisters, for that when I wrote this piece in my mind, I was masturbating, with my left hand fingering my wet vagina and right hand jerking off my rock hard penis.
It all started when our corporation dismissed all people of my department that I once was in for 2 years. I lied down on my bed doing nothing, but thinking of preparing surgical scalpel, which is called “mes” in Dutch and Japanese, to cut down from my glans directly down through my whole urethra, onto the opening where it should be, had I been born with female genitalia. And when the pain take over my mind in the vision, I made it to Orochi’s mind.
Orochi, the one that ultimately represents the earth, told me about relationship between human and nature, as well as between human individuals. When human once were, in the first time, and they’re out of effective language that could express themselves precisely, they instead practice it with their fleshy body and tender skin. Their tongue touched each one’s bare feet that once touched this enlightenment from motherly earth, with this earthy taste in their mouth they kissed each other all over with ultimate passion in their mouths, vulvae and penes. This joy of everyone’s juice and cum flowed into the depth of the earth they’ve mostly loved, and in Orochi they’re one, the primitive one. In fact, body all covered in earth has the same value to Orochi comparing to another body covered in divine delight of cum or defecate, and to human, it’s the same ritual as to feet covered in earth or crushed trampled food. But me, the modern queeric queen, is not earthly at all to perform such orgy with sexy queerly people I met for the first time last night. We rocked and we drank and we smoked weed, but all of these are industrialized forms of energy that are far from earth beneath tons of floors under our ephemeral body in the containment of cement and steel. Only by a mixture of blood, the blatant bloom of promiscuous life energy, should we connect with each other again in their hearts and their souls, while writing down our very own story with each one’s personal grief and euphoria. Thus for the Orochi, THEY had no choice but to offer this chance to my sagacious decision as I previously received Christ‘s title of βασίλισσα τῶν Ἰουδαίων.
When I wake up I saw golden morning sunshine scattering on the view outside my bedroom window and all along my nude body, featuring the silhouette of my breasts and penis. The sky above mountains in the far end of the view is a crayon-like mix of blue and white like in an impressionist painting, making me instinctively doubt if I’m really in Sichuan this moment. I took out a bottle of half ‘n half from my fridge, randomly poured it onto heap of ice in my glass, and crazily licked off the puddle that spilt onto the table, just like greedily cleaning up an imaginary hermaphrodite’s urine and cum all over my lewd and delicious futanari body with my tongue. I asked myself, am I really willing to be the perverted tranny slut now? Am I ready to exhibit my lunatic mind to all human individuals now? I imagined blood dripping down from my fishnet stockings into my steamy shoes, and this made me continue to masturbate in front of my window wall in the living room.
女孩子从小就是没有鸡鸡的。她们的知觉和感受从体表积累，撩拨着她们的内心，却始终找不到一个激烈的迸射的出口，只有通过抚摸和摩擦和收拢，才能使她向内温和地爆裂。 Girls were born without pee-pees. Their cognition and sensation accumulate through body surface, teasing their mind, yet there is never an exit for furious ejaculation. Only by touching and scrubbing and converging could they implode tenderly inwards.
她们的兴奋不是体现为挺拔的武器，而是收缩的创伤，是无处发泄无从表达的爱恨交织，是受难者的沉默无言。 Their arousal is not characterized as erected arms, but rather contracting wounds, ineffable and inconsolable interlaced affinity and hatred, and silence of the Passion.
是的，她们是被阉割者，被自然和社会而阉割者，阉割所积蓄的无法用双手触碰到的情欲在她们体内激烈地聚变，孕育着无法触及的梦想和希望。 Sure, they are the castrated, castrated by nature and the society, leaving the impalpable passion accumulated inside their body fuse intensely, conceiving intangible hopes and dreams.
是呀，女性的强大是内敛的，正如女性的快感和高潮一样。她在经历自己体内的宇宙万象。罗曼语族的 la force 是阴性，所以塔罗的力量是少女徒手钳制着她内在的狮子。既不是手段（剑）、也不是奇迹（魔法），而是人类本身的温柔和刚毅。 Yes, the power of women is introverted, as it is for feminine pleasure and orgasm. She is experiencing the universe inside her own body. La force, in Romance languages, is feminine, thus the Strength of Tarot appears as woman clamps the lion inside her bare-handed. It is by neither means, nor miracles, but the very affection and determination of humanity.
男人有鸡巴，这使他们过分依赖鸡巴，而当他们知道自己将被阉割，这份对女性特质的恐惧和向往和欲拒还迎就达到了巅峰。 Men have cocks, leading to their overdependence on cocks, and when they are informed of their own castration, this fear and reluctance and yearn for intrinsic femininity reaches its climax.
扶她同样不可能脱离男人的范畴，如果她不用自己的逼制服自己的鸡巴；她的鸡巴（阴蒂）不用来勃起或插入或排尿，而是成了向内释放的催化剂、成了逼的延伸。 The hermaphrodites, too, cannot escape the realm of men unless they harness their cocks with own pussies; in which her clitoris is not used for erection, penetration or urination, but a catalyst for inward bursts, an extension of a pussy.
在俗人的眼里，觉悟和放弃本来就是同一件事情，没什么孰优孰劣的区别。“放弃”在日语里有好多种说法，「諦観」「観念」「諦め」、每一种都含有“觉悟”的微妙暗示或词源学痕迹。我们也常见到年少有为、前途无量的天才少男少女少人妖们因为“完全看透了”而自杀的时刻。凡人或多或少都有罗腾树下的时刻，那种屈辱、那种不甘、那种无奈，是只有活生生的人才能体验的感情的极致迸射和迸射后的贤者时间。然而天才们却完全感受不到这些庸俗愚蠢的感情，兀自想象身处一个巨大的有机体之中、而自己这样的细胞理应为整个人类文明的存续（或是人类文明的毁灭、或是人类文明的无意义）而凋亡。是的，苦集灭道是客观真理，和铝溶于氢氧化钠溶液一样客观，他们没有爱，他们不信神，他们像蛮横的自然规律一样冰冷，面对扼腕叹息的俗人、笋丝惨重的人类文明，这又何尝不是他们代替 神降下的罪有应得的惩罚呢。这种神罚、这种觉悟，我愿称之为人生的终极状态——“菩提树下的以利亚”，i. e. 在失去信仰的基础上失去了情感。
